A Quarter Of A Century

Tuesday, August 8, 2017


Today, I turn twenty five and I don't know how I should feel. 


Let's see.

My siblings and cousins are all successfully employed (read: surgeons, lawyers, doctors, teachers, chemists, government officers, cabin crews or engineers) and most of my friends my age are either married or engaged, taking care of their children, receiving increments or service awards for spending more than three years working full time at one company. 

And then there's me. 

As mentioned in my previous rant: still struggling studying in uni, technically jobless, working multiple freelance jobs within a day, travelling whenever I get the opportunity to and going broke because of it, playing multiple sports but still not getting any skinnier... the list goes on. 

However, as much as I wish that I am living the standard one size fits all life chronologically (graduating with a degree, getting a good career, and finding myself a partner that meets the perfect checklist) - I am actually quite glad I chose this non-conventional path. There is never a boring day in my life. Jack of all trades, master of none - this definitely describes me. I have also turned into my biggest critic, but I would rather it be that way rather than being scrutinised by another being. 

Looking back at the things that I have done, the places I have been to and the people I have met... boy, am I glad I never did end my life - no matter how many times I actually tried to. I have had my fair share of fun and laughter, issues and anxiety attacks, heartbreaks and let downs, adventures and misadventures. I have definitely experienced more than I could have ever imagined and I did not plan any of this - but yet, I couldn't imagine having lived life any other way.

I am nothing close to being the perfect daughter or girlfriend or friend. Ask my mother or my ex boyfriends or frienemies, they would know. I have been going against my mother's words since I learnt how to talk because I don't see why I should listen to orders from anyone else and I have an ego the size of Mount Fuji - not as big as Everest but still fucking huge for a human being to have.

But yet, I still have a family who only wants the best for me, teammates or colleagues turned friends who stick around for years on end and have nothing but good intentions, and a partner that's crazy annoying and a pain in the ass sometimes but takes great care of me / keeps me sane / make me feel constantly loved and only has the best intentions in mind - although all I see in the mirror is a big fat ugly whiny girl. All of you must be insane to love a person like me, I honestly don't know how you keep up with my bullshit, but I'm thankful nonetheless - and I need to change my ways before I start losing people I love.

I used to make use of this period to run away and escape from Singapore because I never believed that anyone in their right state of mind would want to make the time. Why would they? It's not their day and they aren't obliged to. But this year, I was forced to stay in Singapore for a week before and week after this date no thanks to my exams. A blessing in disguise it was indeed, because I was proven otherwise. Whether you realize it or not, all of you, made me who I am today and is the reason why I am still here, alive and well.

You know who you are, all of you. Thank you.

♥, NMJ

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