Twenty Six.

Today, I turn twenty six and I still don't know how to feel.  

I think it's just me and birthdays. I love celebrating the birthdays of people around me but when it comes to my own, I don't know how to react or behave. I either get very emotional and deep or I turn completely indifferent. But anyhoo. Here's what went on

last year

. I wrote about how miserable I felt that I was jobless and how much I felt like I was lacking behind, especially with a family full of high achievers. But at the same time, I talked about how glad I was that I did not give up on myself when times get tough and how I managed to successfully get over scumbags that I dated. I was a walking contradiction and I still am, but I think I have successfully gotten rid of the habit of comparing myself to others - and start comparing myself to my past self.

I actually wrote this list of

25 BEFORE 25 in early 2016

before I hit the quarter life crisis:


Driving License


Open-Water Diving License


ACCT License


Graduate with a bachelor's degree.


Climb a real mountain.


Try bungee jumping or sky diving.


Invest in a new DSLR.


Go on a solo trip. 


Be happy with how I look. 


Stay committed to rugby. 

Stay committed to floorball.


Donate blood.


Be able to run 5km non stop. 


Become financially self sufficient. 


Learn how to cook at least 5 new dishes.


Be independent. 


Take my mum on an all expense paid trip. 


Attend a spinning class.

Attend a boxing class.


Watch a movie alone. 


Learn or try yoga.


Go on a road trip. 

Pathetic. Hahahaha. What the heck? I barely even completed half of the list. Also because I feel that this list wasn't specific enough - like, "

be independent

" to what extent actually? I don't make sense but back to being twenty six.. I still don't know why and how all my loved ones keep up with my bullshit but honestly, I think I have toned down by a whole lot - all thanks to Fazwan. I thought turning twenty five was a big deal but damn, it's crazy to be

"adulting even more"

 now that I'm a year older.

The 365 days between my two birthdays have been pretty crazy yet productive.

  • Got a job that I pretty much enjoy the love-hate relationship with.

  • Got the chance to visit Laos, Bangkok, Sydney, Vietnam and Kuala Lumpur.

  • Got offered to go to France for work but had to turn it down for a family trip.

  • Got transferred from Division 2 to Division 1 for Floorball.

  • Got my first distinction for a module & left with 2 semesters for school.

  • Got a new Macbook Pro and Canon G7X.

  • Got to open up and be even closer to Fazwan.

As much as I wish to achieve more and be able to remove some parts of my past, I think I did pretty good. One thing's for sure, I'm glad I never gave up on this space. It's kinda nice to actually be able to sit back and sort of 


 the years that have passed, and I'm fairly determined to actually do a whole revamp of this space once I'm done with my exams. I'm still contemplating on whether or not I should switch to squarespace because that's gonna cost me four times of what I'm currently paying for my domain now but.. we'll see how it goes.

All in all, I'm thankful for the things that happened as they got me to where I am today. I feel the need create a new list of things to complete by 2020 and I most probably will - because I'm just a list kinda person. However, it's also because the upcoming days ahead are filled with so many great plans - I don't wanna jinx it just yet by talking about them before they happen. Nonetheless. Here's to the great year and may we all look back to each year feeling more hopeful for the next chapter.