Falling In And Out Of Love

I haven't addressed this matter yet, but I find it extremely ironic how in a relationship you are to make decisions together and compromise with each other, but when it comes to breaking up, the person who initiates it eventually gets the final say or in other words, gets what he or she wants.

I also find it absurd (and not forgetting, selfish and cruel) how the other person is then expected to suck it all in and simply be okay with moving on although that isn't necessarily what we want to do. Unfortunately, there isn't anything much one can do because the moment the other person chooses to leave instead of love, the relationship is already over. Such is life.

Falling in and out of love, we all know what it's like. 

THE CHASE. One party is always quiet and mysterious, with a layer of charm and humor hidden underneath, waiting to be unraveled by the other party who is probably the one who is curious and determined, more vocal and brave. The jokes, flirting around, and the smile you have on your face whenever your phone beeps. Getting to know someone new is always nice. What an uncertain yet intriguing process. Everybody loves the chase.

THE START. Getting together, a step after getting to know each other but yet you keep learning something new about them everyday. Everything about that person is on point. The hair, the face, the clothes, the way that person speaks, the way that person holds your hand and the way that person hugs you like they would never ever let you go. Everything is just exciting at this point in time because finally, you have someone who is always going to be there for you. You finally have someone to say goodnight to. You assume, that finally, you are happy.

THE ACCEPTANCE. Slowly, the two of you get comfortable with each other. Sometimes too comfortable, sometimes just enough for flaws to be shown. One stops wearing make up, the other stops combing his hair, stops turning up on time, but yet, you are absolutely fine with it. At the same time, without realizing, you will soon notice that this person isn't perfect after all. Flaws start coming out, and so will doubts, but you are absolutely fine with it and learn to accept them the way they really are, vice versa. 

THE TOLERANCE. One person stops trying, and the other starts expecting more. Arguments aroused and flaws were pin pointed. You seem to be fighting about the pettiest of things and everything just seems pointless. A gazillion thoughts running through your head when you realize that you aren't getting that good morning text anymore. Obviously, it isn't just about messages, simply, but it gets you thinking, how deep is your love, really? 

THE DEPARTURE. Conversations are almost close to none and nights out are just a chore. Everything just seems to be going wrong and finally, one person realizes that they can't do this anymore, while the other person struggles to keep the relationship together, but we all know - it takes two hands to clap. The one who initiated obviously has a reason for choosing to leave and no matter what the excuse is, you have no choice but to leave, too.

On the night that I finally found out the truth, I couldn't believe my eyes. I always thought he was the most kind hearted person I had ever met, but God finally showed me how blinded I was by such an act. I was completely shattered. A good friend then reminded me that, whatever happened, happens for a reason that Allah have decreed, and any difficulties, it's a test from Him. When your heart is broken and Allah pulls people away from you so that you are lonely, that is the time when He wants you to be alone with Him. Look for things that you can be thankful for. Well, thank you, and thank you God for friends like this.

I was not the perfect partner and neither was he, but let him be, as long as he thinks he's happy, I will eventually be, too. I am glad that this is out of my mind. It has been a month and I am finally coming to terms with what has happened. I never thought that I would be able to pour my thoughts out again after realizing how vulnerable writing makes me, but I know I'm not alone. I still want people to know my thoughts because I know I'm not the only one who thinks this way. I have learnt from a few kind souls the past few weeks that I am not alone and even if I am, God is always there.

"Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find Peace."
(Surah rad, verse 28).

I am glad that I can finally write with a clear mind and no excessive emotions attached. I am one to believe in karma because what goes around do come around. Hence, to those who have been there for me the past few weeks, you know who you are, I really appreciate it. To hearts that I might have broken in the past, I am truly sorry. Karma has finally hit me and I apologize for whatever that I might have done in the past to have God let me feel this broken. To hearts that are equally as hurt as I am, don't search for it, just let it be. Have faith and may God bless you with the peace of heart and mind that you're yearning for. 
Nurul MimsyPersonalComment